Separation of parents is always a difficult experience for a child. Unfortunately, sometimes the situation becomes even more complicated when one of the parents begins to manipulate the child, turning him against the other. Such action is parental alienation, a serious problem that can have long-term negative consequences for the child’s development.
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What is parental alienation?
Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is a process in which one parent deliberately and consciously influences the child to distort his or her image of the other parent, leading to the weakening or even breaking of the bond between them. The alienated parent is portrayed in a negative light, and their flaws are exaggerated. The child is subjected to manipulation, emotional blackmail, and even brainwashing into believing in a false image of the parent.
The mechanism of parental alienation: How does alienation occur?
Parental alienation is a process that develops gradually. At first, the alienating parent may subtly criticize the other parent in the presence of the child, e.g. “Dad is late again”, “Mom never has time for you”. Over time, the criticism becomes more and more harsh. The alienated parent is accused of more and more serious offenses. It can be, for example, neglecting the child, aggression, alcoholism. The child is bombarded with negative information about the other parent, and at the same time rewarded for loyalty to the alienating parent. As a result, the child begins to perceive the alienated parent as a threat and rejects him.
Symptoms of parental alienation in a child: How to recognize alienation?
Recognizing parental alienation is not always easy, because its symptoms can be confused with the child’s natural reactions to the separation of parents. However, there are some signs that should cause concern:
- The child expresses strong dislike for one of the parents, without a rational reason. He uses insulting words towards him, refuses to contact him, and meetings end in quarrels.
- The child repeats negative opinions about the alienated parent that he could not invent himself. Often these are the same phrases used by the alienating parent.
- The child idealizes the alienating parent and at the same time demonizes the other. He does not see his flaws, and he attributes all problems in the family to the alienated parent.
- The child feels a strong fear of separation from the alienating parent. They are afraid that the other parent will kidnap them, hurt them or cut them off from contact with the alienating parent.
- The child has problems with concentration, sleep, appetite. Regression to earlier stages of development may occur, e.g. bedwetting.
Effects of Parental Alienation: The Impact of PAS on Child Development
Parental alienation has a destructive effect on the child’s psyche. A child who is a victim of it experiences severe stress, guilt, anxiety and uncertainty. He may have problems with establishing and maintaining relationships, with coping with emotions, with learning. In adulthood, people who have experienced parental alienation often struggle with low self-esteem, relationship problems, depression, and even suicidal thoughts.
How to counteract parental alienation?
Counteracting parental alienation requires the cooperation of both parents and specialist help. It is important to:
- Parents were aware of the problem and its consequences.
- The alienated parent tried to maintain contact with the child, despite the difficulties.
- The parents used the help of a therapist. Family therapy can help rebuild relationships and resolve conflict.
- In extreme cases, it may be necessary to involve the court. The court may limit the parental authority of the alienating parent and oblige him or her to undertake therapy.
Summary
Parental alienation is a serious problem that can have long-term negative consequences for the child. It is important for parents to be aware of this phenomenon and to be able to recognize it. If parental alienation is suspected, it is necessary to seek the help of a specialist.
